What Can I Say

Everything's changed. I can try to say something to make myself feel better, but it would just be a lie. It was silly to think that things would stay exactly the same, even after all of that time. People move on, it's what they do and it's necessary in life. I can tell things have been different, I could tell the day after the last time I saw you- it was a Friday, I was horribly hungover and driving to Lincoln City with my roommates to get some things done. I wasn't sending text messages to you as much or as quickly as I usually do, and I assume you interpreted that as me not wanting to talk. I can give you reasons as to why I didn't, but I don't think it'll change your mind at this point. You're different, but I can't blame you. It's my fault things have ended up this way, so I'll take the blame and responsibility. I feel like utter shit for forgetting to wish you a happy birthday, I really wish you knew how badly I feel. But, the past is in the past & there's nothing I can do about it now. The direction our friendship seems to be going in isn't that great, but I feel like there's nothing I can do to change it without seeming like I'm either taking advantage of you or leading you on. And as I feel you slipping away, I have no choice but to let you go. I'll tell you that I still care about you and will be here for you no matter what, even though I doubt you'll ever take me up on that. You have been a huge part of my life for the past 10 months, and it's going to be a big transition to lose the person I leaned on the most throughout everything I went through. But, most things have to come to an end, and once again it's time for me to try to stand on my own two feet instead of relying so heavily on you, because it's just not fair for you. Saying I'm sorry probably still means nothing to you, but I am. I'm sorry for the way things ended, I'm sorry for ever hurting you, and I'm sorry for all I put you through. You didn't deserve it. And I pray that someone a hell of a lot better than me comes along and opens your eyes up to all that you've been missing, that she treats you the way you deserve to be treated and you love the way you never have before.
I will always and forever talk about you with a smile on my face, and never regret saying yes to the dance.