Numb

I can't deal. Every little thing that happens, I take very personally. I over-analyze, I expect too much, and I trust too much. I'm done trying to explain myself to people, trying to tell them how I am. 99% of the time they don't actually care, they're just curious. & it's getting to the point where I don't even think I can talk to anyone, because it's the same old story, and they don't know how to react, will judge me or just talk about it behind my back (which, I've discovered over the past week, more did than I thought). I am sick and tired of the pettiness, of everyone acting like they are such saints but in reality they suck just as much as I do. I'm tired of girls thinking they're different from everyone else but they're all the same. I'm done feeling like a victim of myself, feeling like I want to reach out to someone to help but knowing it'll do no good. Saying I want it all to end at this point terrifies me; I don't think I'll ever reach that point and I know it'll do no good, but I am consumed and overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness. Most days I don't want to get out of bed, but I do anyway & put on a fake smile for the world, hiding the unrest I feel inside. 

I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up.