Suffering in Silence

So we're talking again. & I know you look at these, which means you'll read this. Somehow being able to write on here makes it easier than actually saying it directly to you. 
Now that we are talking again, it makes me realize how much I actually missed you. I mean I've known all along, because you're the one thing constantly on my mind all day. Every little thing that comes up during the day, I want to tell you about, but I stop myself. I don't want to abuse the strength you're showing me right now by being my friend & being there for me when I need it, especially for tomorrow. More than anything in the world right now, I just want a hug from you. I just want to feel safe again, I want to know that everything is going to be alright & I want that comfort instilled in me again. I feel this emptiness inside me again, that I felt right when we first stopped talking. I think it's because I know I can only have you as you are now, and not like how it used to be, & this is my own fault. It's hard to concentrate on my anthro final right now, since all I can think about is being held by you. I wish you could come with me tomorrow, I wish you could tell me that I'm not alone, even though this isn't that big of a deal at all, it still kind of bothers me (as much as I hate to admit, because I always want to put on a brave face). So, if you are reading this, I am sorry. I apologize in advance for the text message you'll probably receive before and after it goes down tomorrow. I wish I could rewind to February, where we'd just be laying down on my bed, my head on your chest & arms wrapped around you, listening to music. I felt so peaceful, so happy & untouched by fear or sadness or harm. I want that back. I want those feelings back.