I'm currently sitting outside in my backyard in Southern California enjoying the beautiful 70 degree weather. My backyard is one of my favorite places; my mom works very hard to keep it beautiful, with a number of different colorful plants and flowers. She's even planted different fruits and herbs- we grow apples, plums, limes, lemons, tomatoes, and more herbs then I can count. Lights adorn our trees, and when the sun sets this place is a wonderland. Whenever I come back here, I am reminded of the beauty in the everyday; something as simple as a bright pink Gerber daisy in a sunny yellow flowerpot makes me happy.
There is nothing better than coming home after being away at school for so long. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to make fairly frequent trips home for birthdays and various holidays; not everyone has this ability. When I do come home, I'm reminded of how lucky I am to live in such a gorgeous place. Most would call this town a bubble, and to an extent I can understand that. There isn't a whole lot to do, especially for the teenagers in this town. There are more furniture stores than anything else. However, we're a short 15 minute drive from the beach, close to malls, movie theaters, outdoor shopping centers, and so much more. Being away for school has made me appreciate this small town more than I ever thought I could, and as I sit outside on this gorgeous sunny day, I am able to look up and stare at blue sky- something that is rare for me, especially living in the gloomy city of Corvallis, Oregon. I can taste summer (and the sweet strawberries that I just ate) on my lips; it'll be here in less than a week, and I can't wait to sit by the pool, go to the Santa Monica beaches, and regain all the Vitamin D I lost from months and months of rain and cloudy skies. Sitting here, thinking about maybe making my way over to a friends house to lay out by the pool, I am reminded of a quote from the movie Stay. One of the main characters is contemplating suicide, and his therapist talks to his girlfriend who had once had similar thoughts in her life. Her advice:
There's too much beauty to quit.
One of the most important things I've come to value and respect is individuality. Our generation today has the luck and privilege of being one of the most diverse (granted improvement needs to be made on tolerance). People can personally express themselves with clothing, hairstyles, piercings, and my personal favorite-tattoos, an outward expression of inner beliefs. I have two myself, both in respect to my parents. My next will either be an expression of my faith & religion, or how far I've come in life, and still have to go. They're a way for me to be myself and represent who I really am. This notion of "always being yourself" is a difficult one, due to fear of not being accepted, alienation, and feelings of discomfort or unworthiness. I'm telling you this: you only live once (surprise, right?). You have one time on this earth to show it who you are. Stop trying to be a vision of what you think others want to see; they're not worth anything in the end if they want you to be anyone but yourself. Know who you are & embrace it! Wave that weirdo flag high and proud, be opinionated, tell everyone "this is who I am, and if you don't like it you can fuck off." Do it with strength, do it with confidence, do it with pride, and scream your heart out.
If you're lucky enough to be different from everyone else, don't change.- Taylor Swift
The Lostprophets- Rooftops
When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say we've had our fun?
Will we make a mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out.
All the love I've met
I have no regrets
If it all ends now, I'm set
Will we make a mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
(Wait until the bombs drop)
This is all we got now
(Scream until your heart stops)
Never gonna regret
(Watching every sunset)
We'll listen to your heartbeat
(All the love that we found)
Scream your heart out
Scream your
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your
Faith. It's always been a seemingly simple word. You either have it, or you don't. Most would say they have faith, they believe everything will work out in the end. Then life throws you a curveball, and you're so used to the fastball and even the change up that you freeze. You don't know how to react or what to do. You cry, you feel sorry for yourself, you long for the simpler times, and you wallow in such self pity you think you'll never recover. It's easy to sit there and tell others that their hard times will pass, but once you're in them yourself it's difficult to see the silver lining. This is the true test of faith. I've recently passed through a difficult time in my life where my faith was tested and I was forced to mature in a way that I didn't really want to. I felt hopeless, backed into a corner that I thought I wasn't going to get out of anytime soon. Talking to friends and healing through music has made me realize a lot, and I have grown from such incidents. I have experienced more personal growth in the past year than I thought I ever would, and can attribute all of it to my ever-growing faith. And everything I have realized has been resonating with me...
- Joy comes from suffering and pain ("Without suffering there'd be no compassion")
- Faith always needs to be put in God; problems aren't beyond what He can help with and He is always bigger ("Your problems are only as big as your God isn't")
- There is no such thing as a lost cause; there is always hope (Saint Jude and I are best friends now, I have Anberlin's *fin to thank for that)
- You alone can determine how you feel and what you make of situations. Others can help out and offer emotional support and there's nothing wrong with this, but learning to cope individually is something that needs to conditioned.
- No one can convince anyone else to have faith; it has to be understood and felt.
Above all I have realized that God has a plan for everything. Sometimes people are introduced into your life for mutual growth and maturity; you learn from them, they learn from you. Sometimes God's plan isn't always going to be clear; in fact, most of the time it won't be clear. You need to trust that he does in fact have a plan and that everything happens for a reason.
When I started my first year at college, all alone at an out of state school where I didn't know a soul, I hit hard times. I was away from my family for the first time, away from my friends for the first time, and found myself at rock bottom. I mistreated my body, lost all respect for myself, and was caught in the dark. I found myself in the storm, gasping for air with no way out. Yet finding that surface that spring was the most cleansing and rewarding feeling I have ever had. I finally understood that the times where I felt isolated and alone, I was never really alone. I had God standing right beside me, drying every tear, shining a light in every dark place, and watching over me. All I had to do was open my eyes, look up, and believe that God is always by my side. And now, I always give faith a fighting chance.
Lady Antebellum- One Day You Will
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
Down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
One day you will
Oh one day you will
