Cigarettes

I need the sea because it teaches me.

I don't know if I learn music or awareness,

if it's a single wave or its vast existence,

or only its harsh voice or its shining one,

a suggestion of fishes and ships

The fact is that until I fall asleep,

in some magnetic way I move in

the university of the waves.

Today was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I woke up, made myself breakfast, showered, & drove into Albany. I bought myself a slower cooker from Target, then went over to Kohl's and got two cute new shirts. On my way out of town, I happened upon the most adorable little farmer's market and decided to stop. I got some kettle corn from a precious old couple, and bought myself some flowers (which, according to my mom, was well deserved). Upon returning to Corvallis, I packed myself a lunch and headed for the coast. Newport is a gorgeous little town, when the sun's out of course. Laying a blanket down in the sand, I read my book for a couple of hours, occasionally looking up and watching all of the people who came with their kids, their loved ones, and their puppies. It was the most at peace I have felt in a long time. I needed a trip to the beach, to hear the crash of the waves, feel the cool breeze against my skin, and absorb the sun's comforting rays. Pablo Neruda's poem resonated with me the whole time I was there, especially the first line: I need the sea because it teaches me. I always feared the ocean, and today I realized why. The ocean is deep, it's immense; parts are unexplored, and undiscovered; it's feared and it's admired. The ocean is just like me, I am the ocean. This isn't to say I think that people fear me or admire me, but I think that it's composed of the same contradictions as I am. And because of this, I can learn from the sea. I can learn strength and fierceness, consistency and calmness, rhythm and peace. 
Sometimes all I need is to take a step back from my life and stare out into the sea...to realize that compared to the ocean, I'm just one person. And all of my problems, my battles are tiny compared to the beauty that lies within, all of the beauty that has yet to be unearthed. This realization gave me hope- hope that I'll make it through this dark phase, that I'll find peace among the storm, and that I will be okay.