Sweet Silver Lining

I woke up feeling hopeful today, which is quite a change from the past couple weeks. I've had extreme difficulty with every situation that has been thrown my way since I've been back at school, and needless to say haven't found the healthiest methods of coping. I finally cracked Saturday night, and took out all my anger, aggression, stress, and feelings of overwhelming exhaustion on my roommates, and for this I feel bad. Eventually we all reach our breaking point, and it took something as little as being around drunk people to push me over the edge. I sat in my room and cried- cried over events of the summer that haunt me every night when I close my eyes, cried over knowing that my parents would be going back home & it would be another five weeks before I see them again, cried over the urge to feel the sting of the pain again but knowing I shouldn't, and cried over feeling completely hopeless and defeated. It reached a point where I just stopped, and blankly stared, not knowing how to climb out of the hole I have found myself in for the past four months. It seemed that every time something was going well, I would be beaten down once again, and the actions of those around me hit me like a train. I slowly started losing complete faith in people, especially those I had put the most in to begin with, and began to feel alone once again. A person can only take so much disappointment before they begin to internalize that they're the problem; this idea sunk in. Though it took me a while to come to terms with this fact, I need to remember to stop expecting so much out of people. We're all human, and I can't honestly believe we're going to be perfect all of the time. It might be easier to expect nothing out of everyone, and then be pleasantly surprised when something goes right. Though this seems like the ideal way to go about my day, I don't think it's going to happen. I put too much faith in humanity, I still believe that there is good in everyone and that they are capable of being the kind of people I hold them to. This may yield high expectations, and I may find myself constantly frustrated and upset with their actions, but at least I start out giving them the benefit of the doubt. 
So while the past three weeks have been filled with tears, misery, and an overwhelming desire to run away from my problems once again, this morning I find myself a little bit stronger and prepared to deal with whatever is thrown my way. This isn't to say that my dark spell is over, because I don't believe it is. Perhaps I'm in the eye of the storm, comforted by a bit of calm among the turbulent. What I do now is that for now, I need to do my very best to keep my chin up and prevent myself from permanently going under. My horoscope today was scary accurate, and I think it's something I'm going to stick with me for a while:

"You may be feeling a bit gloomy now. Something hasn't gone your way. Maybe several things haven't gone your way, and it's starting to get to you. But if you give in to feelings of darkness and pessimism, you will dig yourself a hole that gets deeper and deeper, and it will eventually be very hard to dig out of it. But if you can step outside yourself long enough to see the sun and understand that it's still shining on you, you can start to feel positive again. All you need to get back on track is a change of perspective. Look on the bright side."